I made a beautiful drive yesterday. From LA to Esalen in Big Sur. Pacific coast highway is simply the most magnificent drive I have ever experienced. It was hard to leave LA, emotionally, I grew rather fond of staying with my friend(love you) and finally felt slightly adjusted to the entity of Los Angeles. Esalen is the antidote to LA, and its polar opposite. As soon as I got to Big Sur I felt like a completely different human.
I am completely car-dependent, as I realized when I was out of gas out in the wilderness. Luckily my Honda's reserve took me to where I needed to be. As I mentioned in an earlier blog, I spent a few months here last year. It has been such a treat to remember why I fell in love with this place and see some of my friends there.
Rebel without a cause. Taken by my girl Nicole Nelch, who is now an author and I can't wait to tear into her books.
I would never be the kind of person that suggests to always look on the bright side
or keep things positive because I actually love negativity. It can be very profound. Lord knows I can get bitter Betsy in an instant. Plus just getting to the good from the bad, is way too simple minded for me. I like something that allows room for everything. Lots of space. Fresh air. I went through a really rough period here last here, internally I was really in some anguish. Now 6 months has passed and I realize the merit of experiences like that. I was probably blaming this place for my pain, but the reality is that being in a supportive environment was exactly what I needed while I was in that struggle, but when I was in it, I couldn't see the forest from the trees.
I want to say a little about reference points and as a nomad, they are not only useful but essential. If home is where the heart is, then Esalen has some of my heart and that feels good. A place that I can go and instantly feel connected to the people, land and my own memories. 2 Thumbs up.
I have been fortunate enough to find various places that I feel at home. Austin, Esalen, even LA and more and more just America feels like home. There is also an obsessive fling I am having with Berlin.
I have had a lot of dreams throughout my life and I think dreams are so important, not just the ones you have at night so you can work shit out.
Also the desires for the life you want. I think in some cases desire can be excessive and even deadly but its important I feel to be in this process of actively creating your life to suit what you are and can be. I am so glad I have found a place like Esalen, I can feel it will be ingrained in my life in ways maybe I don't even know. Already it is the place I have spent the second most amount of time in the last year. Time matters. Your time matters and one should use it accordingly.
I am trying to live my life like it already is, instead of coming from a place a lack.
I am sick of apologizing for myself. I am a human that wants to give and receive love
and do all kinds of interesting things. Sorry, I am not just gonna sit back and hope for the best anymore. Fuck that shit.
Sometimes I am really frustrated with my own cowardice and I can keep giving myself CAKE
on a daily basis as I GNOME around the world.
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