August and everything after

One of my all time favorite albums. Counting Crows. August and everything after.  Driving through Omaha, NE-somewhere in the middle of America, reminds me of everything, my own strange childhood, the 90's. Get right to the heart of the matter.

Cornfields, cows, hay bails, barns, silos, irrigation systems, fertilizations bring back familiar feelings. 3 gas tanks, 4 caffeinations, 1050 miles and a formidable drive is behind me. Omaha and Des Moines are drive bys, I want to get to my destination. It wasn't a day where it was all about the journey. fuck the journey. get me to my destination! My car held up. On long drives I start to lose my equilibrium. I know the world is spinning but usually after driving 10 or more hours, I can feel it spinning a lot or maybe that's just me(what's the difference?)

There is a new canvas in my flat. "there are secrets" painted by my landlady. It reminds me of my sisters. If only I had somewhere to put it, I might buy it. Speaking of my sister I was thinking of her today as I passed a stand where they were selling helotes, she has this character that sells helotes. needless to say, her comedy is absurd. My sister is probably the reason I am in Chicago now. I know I shouldn't compare but just to give you an idea of how me and my sister differ. She's a comedian that has been blessed with the ability to make everything into a good time. I took the opposite approach. no fun ever!

In many ways we are very similar, we grew up a year apart with the same parents, same 7 siblings, both bi-polar and both lesbian. Astrologically we are twin like too, if you buy into that sort of thing. Her sun is in Gemini and so is my moon. My sun is Capricorn where her moon is.

I was reflecting on the last decade and the first time I came to Chicago was driving with my family for my cousins wedding, that was 2004, it was in the middle of winter, freezing and I just remember shopping on Michigan avenue, my sister just wanting to shop at Diesel, my brother just wanting to go to boystown and me not having much of an opinion.

Wow, things have changed the last decade. Later, Mollie would move to Chicago to pursue comedy and I visiting again in 2008, it was nice to see her and Chicago seemed ok, but I didn't connect with it, I liked the bright colors of Miami, Chicago was too drab for me. I came the next year to play a tennis tournament with Daniel, again, great to see friends and sister, but didn't have a connection with the city.

It was about 2 years ago when I fell in love with Chicago, or the experience I had here. Mollie and I decided to drive back to Chicago after my other sister, Monica's(also a Gemini) wedding. It was just once again one of those dreams of perfect timing and what I call a joy boom. The weather was perfect, sunny, the leaves were changing and it was a window of a few weeks of perfect weather before foreboding winter was on its way. I stayed in Andersonville with Mollie, where we started referring to ourselves as Reenie and Schnoogie. They were brother and sister of our grandmother that ended up never marrying and living with each other til they passed away. Mol and I would joke that that was our destiny. I will never forget driving back to the apartment with some crazy person on the street hollering, SCHNOOGIE, ITS REENIE! She spotted me in my car as she was on her way to dinner. We nearly peed our pants. Mollie was actually amidst a really intense breakup, and true to her style managed to turn almost everything into a really fun time. I got to see her perform some comedy shows. Do her Dove model character and the last Mo show, before Mo moved to LA.

I just remember food tasting much better-eating guacamole, hummus and nachos. Huge subs, Popeyes, pizza and drinking soda. There is something about this town that makes me want to eat crappy food. The cool coffee shops, the great neighborhoods, the vintage stores, the industrial warehouse feel, now I liked all the brick and neutral colors, start of an intense writing spurt, enjoying every moment and wanting more, more, more. It was such an unexpected surprise as the best trips usually are. Who was this person enjoying life?

as good things do, they come to an end. After an intense high like that, what follows is an uncomfortable period, a low, everything becomes irritating. I went back to DC, which wasn't Chicago and then back to Chicago, I wanted my good feelings, the right mixture of elements that held it- but alas the bliss was gone, and winter was right around the corner. So I knew I needed some sunshine and that's when I got a place in Austin for January.

Sometimes life gives you the perfect experience, its not manipulated or manufactured, it just happens. I think my sister is rubbing off on me, I am learning how to turn more things into a fun time. Sometimes life sucks and there is no way around it, no maneuver clever enough, pill strong enough,no quick bypass back to the good stuff. If it wasn't for Chicago, my sister and a million other elements I would have never known a joy so thorough and real. That's one of the main reasons that keeps me going. You never know what's around the corner in life. I didn't know as a kid listening to Counting crows what life had in store and now back in Chicago, its August and I get to enjoy these last summer days, and we can see what's after. More joy please!