Life was so comfortable in the suburbs and the tennis tournament required a lot of energy. First night I got in, we had a Korean BBQ feast. Then the next day singles and doubles match, day after that another singles and doubles match with 2 more gigantic feasts. Then Monday I was in the final. I lost in a frustrating match. 6-4, 7-6. Afterwards the last thing I wanted to do was hang around Detroit and snap photos. Plus my car is kind of falling apart, not to mention my body so I just wanted to go. Now, I have a few reasons to go back to Detroit. Play the tournament again. see the city.
Special thanks to Gorman for housing me and welcoming me to the pack. His group of friends was hilarious and a real highlight of the weekend. I am still adjusting back to playing tournaments and finding the balance of fun, friendship, competition and wanting to play tennis at my best level. Tennis unfortunately for me can get really emotional and all my demons can come out, so I need to work hard so that doesn't happen. I get so uptight, overthink and can't relax. the perfectionism comes out and the wonderful emotions of fear, anger, hatred, frustration take hold and ughhh the arrogance. The embarrassment!
These experiences motivate me to want to do better and also realize the importance of being connected to people so everything isn't such an isolated, pressure filled experience. I am such a headcase but I know if I work hard, acquire discipline, eventually I can get out of my own way. It has happened before and it can happen again. The loss stung for a few days but coming back home to Maryland and seeing family has been just what I needed.
Another T shirt to add to the collection
Seeing my sister Mary is such a treat. She is 16 and has grown so much even in the last 6 months. She gave me a present of a voodoo doll named Florence for protection against illness. I hope that includes mental! I was so touched. My 2 cousins are also visiting, so it has been great to spend some time with the young ones, who are so full of playful energy. Seeing my little brother who is back from Asia and getting to read the second book of his series. Going to have coffee again with Mollie later and was grocery shopping with Mom earlier. Car is in the shop. Its great to be back. I already feel tremendously refreshed.
I have gotten into the practice of gazing up at trees. This walnut has been on the property all my life and I feel like I just noticed it. What else am I not seeing?
I have a lot of mixed emotions from my youth and growing up on the farm and have written at great length about it. So coming back now to see my cousins, reminds me of my Uncle Matt bursting into our house in his joy, playing with us for hours, tirelessly, swinging us around until we are dizzy. Now his young ones are being pushed on the tire, getting their dizzy fix and find a caterpillar in the garden.
Remember seeing my first caterpillar turn into a butterfly.
I have been trying to think of this childhood thing that I heard, something about Mississippi and Delaware and out of nowhere my cousin Rafael recited the whole thing.
If Miss issippi wore a New Jersey, what did Delaware?
Idaho(I don't know), Alaska.
This baby horse was just 9 days old.
I have made a full circle revolution around the country. Had a beautiful day on the farm and now I am getting antsy and restless. Its great to have a place to come back to, to put it all in perspective. To experience some awe and appreciation of the cycles of life. As soon as my car is fixed I am driving to Boston.
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