Coping hagen hon

I collected the belongings of my totaled car today. Feeling like the end of a relationship. I had deodorant, laundry detergent, a screwdriver, spare change, boxing gloves and luckily my title. Its fair to say I felt like an eclectic mess, ready to beg my car to take me back. Are you sure we can't work things out? I will even wear deodorant this time. Attachment issues continue.

Goodbye my sturdy little surfer. I am sorry it had to end so abruptly.

 

Deertick has a new album out, Negativity, with songs like Dreams in the ditch. They are so talented, I got to see them live in Baltimore a few nights ago. The lead singer is mega.

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4RHh5YipM4o

 

 

This is city café, in my old neighborhood in Baltimore, where I used to go to write down my fury. Decade sure does fly by and Baltimore still haunts me.

 

Lately I have really been wondering about this compulsion to keep moving, to keep busy to keep collecting-I think in Buddhist thinking its also called loneliness. One of its variations or incarnations.  Nomadism is starting to drive me a little mad. Or maybe its the other way around.

Baltimore Cathedral

 

I am thinking about the pain that causes one to go down a new path. Coping or not coping as the case may be. Thinking about all the choices I have made throughout my life. Maryland, DC gives me some energy to see where I have come from. Some of my dreams are in the ditch, some have come to pass, but I'm still dreaming. Copenhagen here I come.

 

Taciturn reticence

Push yourself Precious.

This is encouragement I like to give myself when things are getting tough. Precious has been a role model for me these last years, because good God Almighty, if Precious who was raped by her fahvah can keep going, then I sure as shit better be able to. Although she is fictional, Precious is very real to me. Reminding me to keep pushing through to tell my story. To be bold and speak my truth even when I don't want to or know quite how to put it/

Lord knows there are plenty of preciouses walking around on this planet, which reminds me of Gollum. Who is grasping and creepy-addicted to his precious. Sometimes I can relate to that too, "my precious" usually involves some sort of pleasure. Frankly, there aren't too many people or creatures I can't relate to on some level.

Today I got to have a new experience of commentating on a tennis watch of my friend Jon Guerrica that was being broadcasted(obscure station) and I really enjoyed it. It was surprising for me because I am not much of a talker but I really enjoyed being able to watch and explain what was going on. Old Tassy didn't even show up. Who's Tassy you might ask?

That's old taciturn reticence.

In any event, I am back in DC really trying to find things I like and see the beauty. The Embassies and multiculturalism are one of the best things DC has going for it.

For me this is the most beautiful building in DC, its the Islamic Center on Massachusetts Ave.

 

Had a little wake up call this last weekend. I got in my first car accident. It's intense how much life can change in an instant. It made me want to be a better person. Not better in a conventional sense, but just more cautious and aware so that I don't make any horrendous mistakes altering my life or someone else's. I really am learning I do not like making mistakes. In fact I hate it and I hate that I hate it and on and on it goes.

 

These last few weeks have been a bit stressful for me, I have been making more mistakes than usual and found myself spiraling. I feel I am on the other end, getting back to basics of mindfulness, self care and slowing down. Now I realize I only have a few more weeks left of being in DC and things overall have gone really great. Instead of projecting all my shit on DC, I am learning to enjoy and appreciate it again with fresh eyes and things are much better that way. My next stop is Baltimore, can't wait to do a blog on Baltimore, in the meantime, precious will keep on pushing herself but hopefully not over the edge.