Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Am I a redneck, and other influences

I am reading this great book by a Texan author-Larry L. King that I randomly found. Its called Of Outlaws, Con Men, Whores, Politicians, and Other Artists. I recommend it.

He grew up dirt poor and was considered a redneck which fueled his life. He wanted out, he wanted better.  He was feisty and ambitious, educated himself and became a very well known, successful writer. I love writing done in the vernacular. I can read it all day long. I am still trying to find my authentic vernacular.

As I delve into this writing thing more, I realize I have some redneck influences. I grew up on a farm, somewhat wild, playing in barns, ponds and going everywhere barefoot. I also had a strong religious upbringing. Private school, church and way too much God for my young brain. I dreamed of a better life. Something sophisticated. Was drawn to tennis, traveling and also drugs and music but I still love barns and pick up trucks.

I came to Austin spontaneously on my nomadic adventures. Being a place that 2 of my favorite artists reside and passed through. Patty Griffin and Daniel Johnston.
 
So I was really moved by this Texan writer, a story he writes about going back to his hometown and hanging out with his best friend from high school. They kind of have it out. About happiness and politics. As a nomad, I really relate to the writer, however, the writing is so good, I see the others point of view. I feel the frustration of being so changed by so many experiences that it is impossible to just be content living the status quo and how both sides could see the other one as missing out or more unhappy. I just think life needs all these different types and points of view. The chapter ends with the friend saying. "come on home, come on back down here, goddammit and relax." 
The writer writes, There was no way to tell him that I laughed less there, and relaxed less there, than any place on the map.

It was interesting going back to Miami a few weeks ago. I feel like I tried so hard to make Miami my home and make it work and it never did. This nomad thing seems to suit me so much more but I am not sure how sustainable it is.

These fluorescents capture Miami for me, in this Laundromat near little Haiti. The main thing I am learning right now, is the importance of discipline, I am reading this other book that is basically nailing me. Its about the importance of work and discipline. I would say I would suffer from romantic illusions about life. Certain dreams. Playing tennis, writing, music,  traveling, learning a language. No one tells you how much it sucks. All these things are really hard and take a lot of discipline and dedication and I want to do them all and do them all well! Maybe I can do them all, or maybe I will need to simplify and let some of them go. Today I am going to stick to writing.

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Lone star

I was sad leaving Texas today. Separation anxiety. The open road has a beauty and sometimes wretched quality to it. It took me some hours before I hit my stride. My nomadic-ness has been slowing down as I have been settling into Austin. I am headed back to Miami to play some tennis and see some friends. I am pretty excited. Sometimes its strange to go back to places that hold many memories. I am looking forward to what Miami has in store for me. I want to experience it anew. I have changed and grown in the last year and it should be fun to look through these new lenses.

Sometimes I forget that I loved parts of Miami and I have been working on a song about it. called sometimes land. I am pretty clear that writing, songwriting, music and art is the direction I want to go in my life. However this pesty thing called tennis keeps wanting my attention.

Driving through Texas, seeing New Orleans, landing in Tampa. I remember when I was living in Miami in 2009 and went to Austin for the first time. Now its 2014 and its nice to remember so many happy memories of tennis and friendship. I remember why I keep at tennis, and spend time with other people who get the love of the game. The importance of having a dream and going towards that road, however impossible it might seem. Lastly remembering the qualities of patience and balance while appreciating all the different textures and varieties of the flavor of life.