Sealy-Plan B

So apparently Sealy mattresses come from a little town in Texas where I spent this Thanksgiving. I love new experiences and I got to have a brand new Thanksgiving and the experience of shooting a rifle and a shotgun.

I'm glad I did it and know what its like.

Then some feasting could occur.

 Potatoes, stuffing, turkey, gravy. Cranberry relish. Cookies galore.

 

So this was my first Texas Thanksgiving. It was pretty much awesome. Board games, shooting guns, Improv games.

lastly but not least. was good old plan B. Mister Marsh wanted to know what plan B is. Lets just say it involves a turkey baster on the kitchen table, sisters, and a 30 something year old man, maybe he works at Pizza Hut, maybe he doesn't.

 

Lets just hope Plan A works out.

Bulk trash night

Feels so good to be settling back into Austin after four months being a roadrunner. I am getting very well acquainted with my mattress. The best word to describe where I am at, is nostalgic. This time of year makes me. Flashes of being in Chicago two years ago flood in, four years ago being in Miami I can also reminisce. Especially when B-ma gives me a book of Miranda July, No one belongs here more than you, that I read four years ago. I can remember exactly where I was when I read it. In my Miami apartment, this time of year, the fall. I loved the book. Its so sad, weird and wildly creative.

On a day like today, I am dreaming of Germany. I just signed up for a German class starting next year and planning to spend some time in Berlin this next summer to continue with my German speaking dreams, impractical as they are.

Life in Austin is great, I almost feel like I am in retreat. My neighborhood has everything I need. Meetings in the afternoon, meditation center is just down the road. Time to write in the mornings. I feel really content with my living situation. Living alone. Reading at night. Its been awhile since I felt this settled and simple. The great thing is that the main shift that's happened in the last four years, as crazy as its been, is that I feel more connected overall to life. 4 years ago, even though I was in a good place at the time. I was way too isolated and in my own universe. It hasn't been easy or comfortable to go through a lot of the changes but I am so grateful because it feels really good for me to feel this connection. Sure, I am afraid I will lose it, but I will enjoy it while it lasts. For me to feel connected to life, society, and others is almost miraculous, because for so long I couldn't really feel connected to many things. It was a lot of self absorbed obsession that I was connected to, which was the best I could manage at the time and now I have this other way, that didn't just magically happen.

K ma and I have been rummaging through the neighborhoods trash. Bulk trash night. We dress in all black and gray and have a flashlight. So far I have gotten a desk, a coffee table and two shelves.

10 years ago.

 

I just finished reading Franny and Zooey and I am going to see a German movie tonight. I feel so goddamn artsy I could die.

I've got a song to sing

I moved to Austin in 2012, with a vague dream. To write an album. I had just finished a draft of a memoir and I wanted to lighten things up. Have some fun. So I bought a guitar, took a few lessons and as usual got distracted.

I feel like I am back on course after an invigorating song writing workshop at Esalen. I sang in front of people for the first time, then did it again 6 more times and by the end of the workshop, I had to perform a song as our group did a concert.

My first song was a Patty Griffin cover. Florida. I got through it, barely. People in the group were kind, even telling me that I had a nice voice. There were about 20 other songwriters in the group, from professionals to novices and we all went about the week on our assignments creating new songs, working on old ones. I really enjoyed the creative process, even if singing in front of others was daunting and borderline humiliating. The hardest part for me was singing and playing guitar. At my level, the combination of a written song, composed music and singing is a lot. Frankly, I need help.

My songs were on the heavy side, so to lighten it up a bit, I did write a rap song about Catitude.

Somewhere in an alternate universe, there are a group of crazy cat people sitting in a circle, talking about how much catitude they have.

So the night before our performance day, the teacher, Julie Baker challenged me to perform my own song. I really wanted to do a cover! So with the help of a really excellent guitarist Lance, I sat down the next day with what I had to say.

We went through it three times and then show time. Oh man! What a rush, performing a song live, that I made, that people seemed to enjoy. It was such a high. I was so proud of my fellow songwriters too, I thought we put on a great show. It had to be the most eclectic, array of songs combined that I have ever seen. The best part of it, was I felt so connected and happy. Making me realize, this is how I want to connect with others. Music is the most universal, powerful way to connect and I want in.

Cowboy joy!

 

Now, here I am driving back to Austin, one of the musical capitals of the world. I have always loved music, it has been such a force in my life. Falling in love with songs and artists since I was a young boy. There was always a disconnect, I never thought I could do music or be a musician. Something stirred inside my soul this last week.

 

My life used to be easy

things came simple for me

I could sing, I could dance, I could be

Got knocked down to the ground

and lost my voice

forgot how easy things could be

I still don't want to be seen, or heard too much

its painful for me

Still want to run and hide so much

 

But my songs getting louder

I'm getting brighter

I'm feeling stronger

things are getting better

 

and I've got a song to sing, yeah I've got a song to sing

 

I know I need to be brave

learn how to speak

I know I got things to say

Might not be nice

but the truth rarely can be

I still don't want to be seen

 

But my songs getting louder

I'm getting brighter

I'm feeling stronger

things are getting better

and I've got a song to sing, yeah I've got a song to sing

 

People might not like my song

tell me to shut the fuck up

and laugh

doesn't matter to me

if I like my song

and learn how to sing

 

and my songs getting louder

I'm getting brighter

I'm feeling stronger

things are getting better

 

And I've got a song to sing, yeah I've got a song to sing