Bulk trash night

Feels so good to be settling back into Austin after four months being a roadrunner. I am getting very well acquainted with my mattress. The best word to describe where I am at, is nostalgic. This time of year makes me. Flashes of being in Chicago two years ago flood in, four years ago being in Miami I can also reminisce. Especially when B-ma gives me a book of Miranda July, No one belongs here more than you, that I read four years ago. I can remember exactly where I was when I read it. In my Miami apartment, this time of year, the fall. I loved the book. Its so sad, weird and wildly creative.

On a day like today, I am dreaming of Germany. I just signed up for a German class starting next year and planning to spend some time in Berlin this next summer to continue with my German speaking dreams, impractical as they are.

Life in Austin is great, I almost feel like I am in retreat. My neighborhood has everything I need. Meetings in the afternoon, meditation center is just down the road. Time to write in the mornings. I feel really content with my living situation. Living alone. Reading at night. Its been awhile since I felt this settled and simple. The great thing is that the main shift that's happened in the last four years, as crazy as its been, is that I feel more connected overall to life. 4 years ago, even though I was in a good place at the time. I was way too isolated and in my own universe. It hasn't been easy or comfortable to go through a lot of the changes but I am so grateful because it feels really good for me to feel this connection. Sure, I am afraid I will lose it, but I will enjoy it while it lasts. For me to feel connected to life, society, and others is almost miraculous, because for so long I couldn't really feel connected to many things. It was a lot of self absorbed obsession that I was connected to, which was the best I could manage at the time and now I have this other way, that didn't just magically happen.

K ma and I have been rummaging through the neighborhoods trash. Bulk trash night. We dress in all black and gray and have a flashlight. So far I have gotten a desk, a coffee table and two shelves.

10 years ago.

 

I just finished reading Franny and Zooey and I am going to see a German movie tonight. I feel so goddamn artsy I could die.