Last year at this time I was sharing a room with 3 people at Esalen, I had a nasty case of poison oak, was on steroids, and I woke up one morning with my roommate meditating/growling in a chair right next to my bed. I really wanted to punch him in the face. I was OVER IT!
I woke up this morning with a conversation in my head. I was talking to an intelligent lady at Julia's wedding, who somewhat got in my face and said, how much evil do you need to know there is good in the world? I paused and was like, I don't need any. She really cracked me up-a compassionate vegan that hated the world and bawled at the beauty of the wedding ceremony.
I will never forget how she looked at me, when a preying mantis flew over Steve and Julia while they were rehearsing their vows and I immediately looked up the animal symbology and showed her the obvious cool meaning of the Universe and the preying mantis. She looked at me like I might be the most pitiful, dumbass on the planet. I knew right then and there we were going to be friends. It took me a few days to crack through her barriers and a lot of wine but eventually we connected and had fun. She told me some really cool information about Greek times. She got a PhD in philosophy and told me her mind is like a small house, in the sense she invested money in it. It gave me a different perspective on money and value.
I realize that my favorite moments this year were connecting with people, they weren't big things like going to Thailand or Australia, which were great and even there, connecting with people was the best part of those trips. Meeting Mark in Bangkok and hanging out with his mom in their grandmothers home, taking a bath from a bucket and getting an authentic Thai massage. Meeting a Canadian in my hostel in Chiang Mai and spending some quality time with a stranger. Seeing my dear friend Jhanna in Sydney, having her pick me up at the airport after weeks of not knowing anyone. Everyone should be greeted by Jhanna at the airport. She is the best greeter. Total warmth and overjoy. Then meeting new Australian friends through tennis.
So these last two years of roaming around America has had a strange effect on me. First of all, I have kind of fallen in love with this country. The mountains, mid west, desert, California, Big Sur. I really live in a great country and it has its problems, some of which I am part of.
Emotionally growing up shame and self hatred really permeated all of me to the point where I hated being American when I was younger. I realize now it wasn't just me, it is kind of a cultural thing.
I have different feelings now. I think our society has a shit ton of potential and I want to be part of it. Be the change! And I still want to be a rebellious renegade doing my own thing.
It looks like I am going to settle in Austin for a bit. I am proud to be my weird self.
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